Fear Black Friday and holiday shopping no more because the new CD - Doug Stanhope: From Across the Street - is available right here, right now.
Great for everyone on your shopping list in that anyone who expects you to buy them something is a dickhole and probably wouldn't like my humor anyway. Fuck em! That's all they're getting from you!
BUT WAIT! Here's an added bonus to entice you! I'll sign the fucking things! You won't get that anywhere else (except on eBay when I am dead and then for a fraction of the original cost!)
I'm going to sit like a beer-filled Buddha for a day and just sign these fucking things - old and new - like factory work because YOU Deserve It! It'll be the only day I work all year!
I am your Deadbeat Santa!
This being my fourth CD, you can get all 4 for 40 bucks SHIPPING INCLUDED! (Unless you are outside the US, the shipping is 15 bucks because shipping there sucks and is expensive, so move here.)
With prices this low, I must be Begging for Change! I'm picking up nickels with my flabby ass-cheeks for your Frat Brothers!
Exactly how funny is this CD? I have no idea. I don't listen to this shit. I sicken myself and just make me want to cry. But YOU - well, you are different. You are strong and proud and emit self-confidence like a skunk in a corner. Nothing shows this more than having 'Doug Stanhope: From Across the Street' cranking on Christmas Eve while they evict your neighbors and sirens wail.
And by all means, don't forget to tell your friends. That way you'll get each other the exact same thing for Christmas and the day will be as much of a let-down as life itself!
By compelling you to buy my CD from me and only from me, I in no way suggest that you skip Black Friday all together. You should still go out and mob a Wal-Mart or K-Mart until you feel someone's final breath squeezed out under the thin sole of your Converse All-Star. It's what the holidays are all about.
[ Read more updates at www.dougstanhope.com ]